Monday, March 30, 2009

It's tough to be a Nurse that cares...

Texas nursing is really no different than nursing in Oklahoma, California, Colorado or anywhere else I've been. They are still the same sick people, struggling to ward off some deadly disease, cope with the new realities of life, or simply make it through more meds, more treatments, and just another day....

Nursing can be very depressing sometimes though...you see the sickest of society, in times and conditions that are less than flattering, and in circumstances that are often very grim. Pain, discouragement, despair, and hopelessness are all around you...and so is frustration, anger, complaining, and sometimes downright rudeness from those who haven't learned how to cope with their lot in life. As one quote goes, "If your day is going wrong, just pass it along to someone else!" And so, although trying to mend the wounds, soothe the fears, and bring some hope to my patients and their days, I still often get mistreated and lashed out at.

But then again, should I complain....I am certainly not the first to walk this path!

"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." Isa 53:5

"Don't let yourself care too much! You have to be tough so things don't effect you." I was once cautioned by an older wiser nurse. "After all, death and pain are all around you....constantly!! You can't cry every time a patient dies (I usually do), you can't stop and wonder what it must feel like to have just received such dreadful news (I wonder), you can't dry every tear they shed (I still try)....you just can't let yourself care!"

Yet...with all that admonition, it hasn't changed me much....because I can't help it...I still care!!

Oh, I've learned how to have more professional composure, I've learned how to pick up and go on, I've learned how to know when to share and when to be silent...but I still care! I just can't help it! I pray that somehow, while they may be losing their opportunities for health in this life, that they'll somehow find hope for the next life to come!

Some of my patients I'm able to share Christ with in words, but most aren't ready...so I just share about Him in my actions, for they say, "Actions speak louder than words!" Yet I still pray for and care for each one!

There's a couple patients that have impacted my life in a more dramatic way these last few weeks.

Let's start with Kyle* - a bronzed 17 year old, athletic, good looking and obviously very talented young man with his whole life ahead of him. However, he didn't have a whole lot of respect for his parents or for the important things of life. He was just having fun!! Then one day this past weekend, while in the fast lane speeding with friends, their vehicle rolled. Now he's a paraplegic, for life!! And with the desperateness of a hurting child he clings to his parents for support. He wouldn't even allow me to give him his meds.... "Mom - will you give me my pills?" His brother gives him hugs, and when his dad leaves he hollers, "I love you!" as if it may be his last.

How many young people today are going to have to roll their cars in the fast lane of life, before they wake up to the reality of the value of life...the value of their family, the value of health and arms and legs that move?? It's sooo sad....but I am afraid, it will be many more.

Then there's Miss Becky*, a sweet 49 year old abdominoplasty and breast augmentation patient. Desperate to be more beautiful and reverse the signs of age, she's paid thousands to have a professional "tummy tuck" and "breast enlargement" and liposuction job. Yet it is obvious that she does not know God and her life will continue to be empty and shallow...even if in a more beautiful form.

When will she discover that true beauty is not made up of a sleek trim frame, or alluring curves, but rather it comes from having a living relationship with Jesus Christ....in the heart...a meek and quiet spirit, a humble servants heart, an attitude of love and gratefulness, a giving spirit?

Then there is Mrs. Lindsey* - a patient that has Congestive Heart Failure and is forced to wear oxygen everywhere she goes. She's in the hospital for Pacemaker repair, but hopes to be home soon. When we meet and she learns about my travels and that I don't even have my own place, but am staying with friends, she sweetly offers, "Well if you ever need a place to live when you are here, you can come live with me?!" I think she is joking, but the more she talks, I realize, this lady is serious. She doesn't know me from Adam...or should I say, Eve...yet she has bonded with me and is inviting me to come share her home!! What a giving spirit.

While no longer beautiful in outward form, there is a radiance and life in her eyes that even 72 years have not dimmed.

Then there's Mr. Morris* - an elderly man that was happily enjoying his retirement years when suddenly he had a stroke, and now he can only move one half of his body. He's sooo large he is difficult to turn, and he is getting bed sores. When I approach him and ask how he's doing, he whispers "Horrible." With some more prodding about where it is "horrible," he finally points to his head... "Up here it is horrible!" Ahhh...now I understand. I take his hand gently in mine. "It must be tough lying here feeling like there's nothing you can do, huh?" I softly begin. Tears come to his eyes as he nods. We talk some more. His body may be crippled, but there's obviously nothing wrong with this 80 year old man's mind. Finally I ask, "Do you know Jesus?" he shakes his head. I tell him about my story and how Jesus has changed my life. Then I softly ask, "Would you like to know Jesus? Would you like to make things right with him?" His whole body shakes uncontrollably! He cannot speak, he only cries...Finally he says, "Yes..." And I help him pray.

It may be close to the end for Mr. Morris...yet, it's still not too late to make things right! As long as there is life, it never is...

Then there's Mr. Henry* - Diagnosed with metastatic bone cancer, he barely gets around and lives in pain. His family has signed the DNR papers and stand beside him in support. We do all we can to keep him comfortable. But one evening, with an extra burst of energy he says he has to go to the bathroom. A bedpan will not do, he wants to walk there himself. Two people steady him as walks to the commode with his oxygen line in tow. Once there it is evident that he's not getting back to bed without major assistance. He is collapsing! Three of us literally drag him back to his bed and he dies in our arms along the way. For Mr. Henry there is no more chances. He will never see another day. While we knew his death was coming, it is so sudden and unexpected. All the nurses break down...even our CNA is crying.

And so our patients come, and so our patients go...some to their rest, some to rehab, and some to what they hope will be a improved life! But each one impacts me...and no matter the pain, I am determined to not grow hardened to it all!

If Jesus heart still breaks for our pain...and has for thousands of years now...why do we consider it such a sacrifice to carry "his cross" for just a few years...

"For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now." Rom 8:22


And so... "Jesus [too] wept..." John 11:35

No, I will not just turn and walk away! I am determined, I will continue to reach out and CARE....

*Names and some circumstances changed to protect identities.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Radical Feminity...dusting off the woman of Proverbs 31!

As women, in the modern world and church, we are fast loosing sight of the true spirit of femininity and passions that God has called us to uphold. In place of seeking to become the woman of Proverbs 31, we have been seeking to become the independent self-sufficient, new super-women of the modern age (aka "Martha Stewart"), cut and dried with clothes and make-up in place...a batch of cookies in the oven...an agenda that would make the Queen of England blush, and a calender of activities that would make our grandparents turn over in their graves. We try to do all the right things, have the right looks, go the right places, date the right guys, and even show our face in just the right "good Samaritan activities"... but more than not, it has become all about us!

What is life going to give us...what is God going to do for us...what is true love going to win for us?? When we stop a moment to take a breath, have a massage to de-stress, and take some "me time" to keep from turning into a mess, we discover, "Maybe being this woman of the new age isn't that spectacular after all. Maybe there is something more!"

Could that something more be "Biblical Christ-centered Femininity"??

Being a carefree-country-girl-tom-boy from my early years, one who didn't care about fashions much less wearing dresses or staying in the kitchen with the girls, most would not have looked at me as a champion of sweet simple godly femininity. "Come on, she'd rather be building a fort in the woods, climbing a mountain, or planting trees!" But actually, surprise of all surprises, I am!! I am a huge champion of Biblical Christ centered femininity, and I have been for most of my life. However, the older I get, the more important it has become to me.

No, I'm not talking about the quaint prissy type of woman that can't get her fingers dirty, or play in the rain. I'm not talking about the fragile pale princess that can't do good deeds unless a guy is watching her or make any decisions on her own. I'm talking about the Christ centered vigilant woman...the woman that will do whatever it takes to take care of others, comfort the hurting, and rescue the lost! (This can get pretty dirty sometimes!) I'm talking about the daring kind of woman that will do whatever it takes to guard her heart...even if that means acting by principle instead of emotions! (In other words, she doesn't play around with guys just for fun!). I'm talking about the woman that will at all cost take care of her body (it's not just to be used as an "Entertainment center" but rather was designed to be a "Holy Temple"). I'm talking about the kind of godly Christ centered femininity that will jealously guard her bridegroom and love (Jesus Christ) with a holy jealousy and passion that will not let go!

The woman of Proverbs 31 was definitely a hard worker...and she was beautiful in her own rite, but she wasn't consumed with "herself." She was consumed with others...to minister and to serve, to feed her household, to be productive and do things that count for eternity!

This morning I was reading in John 6 and when I came to verse 27, I came to a thoughtful stop. While the passage is not about women, it really spoke to my heart about the type of "Woman" God wants his daughters to be. It goes like this:

"Labour not for meat which perisheth, but for that meat which endureth unto everlasting life, which the Son of man shall give to you."

The thing that sets apart (no pun intended) the woman of Proverbs 31 is that she doesn't labour for "meat that perishes." She labours for that which is eternal...the welfare of her household, her husband, and her walk with God!

And straight and simple, I believe that is what God is calling us to be as women...set-apart for Him! He desires us as woman to labour for things of eternal value! Forget the foolishness and vanity...forget trying to climb the ladder of prestige or popularity...forget about making money and trying to be on top of a worldly career! We don't have time for that... In Matt 6:33 it encourages us:

"Seek ye first the Kingdom of God and ALL these things shall be added unto you!"

I don't know what "all these things are," but I'm pretty sure it means that God will take care of my needs, and He'll take care of where I should be. My task is to re-evaluate the priorities of my life and to put away anything that is keeping me from seeking Him first. My goal is to learn to put my time and energy where it really matters, in nurturing relationships, winning souls, and saving the lost for God's kingdom!

I may not be all elegant and dignified, wear robes of silk and purple, or make fine linen to sell (I did try a few times, but always decided playing with the boys in the mud was more fun)...but I long to be the woman of Proverbs 31 that will never let my lamp go out ("Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path." Ps 119:105), that will always be quick and ready to offer a hand to those in need, that will do good to my husband all the days of my life (even before I ever know him), and that will be more concerned with others than I am with myself!

No, that doesn't mean "girly things" don't matter to me! I may be a country-girl grown-up tom-boy, but just in case you were worried...I am still a true girl and romantic at heart. I do wear dresses now....sometimes....I love children, and I actually love working in the kitchen! And my closest friends are not boys anymore, but a group of priceless treasures...godly, set-apart, beautiful feminine girls! (Yes, if there are any guys reading this, these kind do still exist! But in case you were hopeful, I'm not passing out numbers. You have to find them yourself, and I suggest the first place you look in the search is "Jesus Christ.")

But more important than all of this beautiful "girly stuff," I am a champion of Biblical Christ-centered femininity...the kind of femininity that will do and dare to live for God...even if its unpopular, even if it means getting a little dirty, and even if it means doing things completely different than the rest of the world. I wont ever be on the cover of a vogue or beauty magazine (never wanted to) and may not be beautiful to the vast populous of the world, but that doesn't matter.
After all, my only goal is to please my true bridegroom, Jesus Christ!!
"Favour is deceitful and beauty is vain, but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised." Proverbs 31"30

[End Note: In my pursuit of this goal over the last 10 years, there is a special couple that have been a huge blessing and inspiration in my life, and that is Eric and Leslie Ludy.

I was first introduced to them by my friend LaRae, when she gave me their book "His Perfect Faithfulness." (This book has been revised and expanded to the current title "When Dreams Come True" - Eric and Leslie's true story of how God brought them to each other and scripted their love story.) Authors of almost 15 books now, all dealing with living the set-apart life for God, and getting out of the world and closer to God, they have had a huge impact in my life! Back in 2005 I started attending their seminars and retreats...I've been to six of them now, and can't wait for the next!

If you read any of Leslie's work, you will see how (while we are very different and come from different perspectives and backgrounds) she's blessed and encouraged "godly femininity" in my life in a profound way. And she has become a true inspiration and friend. Well, this past fall, she shocked me by asking if I would be willing to help write for her new girls Online magazine, "The Set-Apart Girl." I love to write, and I definitely am a champion of godly femininity, but I was humbled at the prospect. What an honor, to consider the opportunity to share beside one of my favorite authors and inspirations!

Unfortunately, the last few months have been busy ones, (including another "Set-Apart Discipleship Retreat" that I attended and actually filmed in the Ludy's home), and I have had no time to write...much less time to think about writing. But things are finally beginning to settle down again, and this March will be the second time I've been able to contribute to her magazine!

As I've already mentioned, Leslie is a huge champion of Christ centered Biblical femininity...seeking to pull girls out of the pit of the modern "Play-girl" and point them to their true anchor and Love in Jesus Christ. Her last article "Captivating Selflessness" shows what God is truly calling us to be, Set-Apart Selfless women of service, honoring Him! Turning our eyes from the media and the images of the world to focus our eyes on LIVING in the POWER of JESUS CHRIST.

I've been encouraged by Leslie, and I'm honored to be able to stand with her to encourage others...to be truly "Set-Apart Girls" for God! To visit "Set-Apart Girl" go to:
I invite you to check out their ministry and consider attending one of their discipleship retreats. If you do, you're life and walk with God will never be the same again!

And oh yeah, before you're done, don't forget to check out my article in this March issue of "Set-Apart Girl." It's called "Jealous Love"...and it's about a love you don't want to miss!!]