For many years now, God has been teaching me to carry "my cross" cheerfully. That cross has taken many various forms....sometimes it has been suffering, sometimes it has been heart break and pain, sometimes it's been lots of questions, and sometimes, it's been simply dealing with the daily mundane. I haven't always been faithful at carrying that "cross," and I have often grumbled and complained. In fact, at one point in my life, I even went so far as to "hold a grudge against God" for the cross that He had given me to carry at that time. (As if, He would ever give me anything that wasn't for my best good.) Yet God knew what I needed, so He tenderly and patiently has stood beside me, and when He knew I was strong enough to try again, He brought the cross to me again. It's almost as if He seemed to be saying, "You may not have done so well at this last time...but there's a reason I need you to carry this cross, Mel, and I want you to try again." Like a child learning to walk or ride a bicycle, we have to keep trying again and again until we've learned the skill. So I believe God takes us around the mountains of "Challenge" again and again until we've learned to really trust and carry our "Cross" patiently.

There's been some amazing reading's from the book "Streams in the Desert" that have made monumental impacts during my journey in the past, and as I've read over them recently, they've encouraged me again. I wanted to share another such reading today, in case any of you my friends, have also struggled to carry "the cross, the trial, the pain" that God has given you to carry.

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"He answered her not a word." Matt 15:23

It may be a child of God is reading these words who has had some great crushing sorrow, some bitter disappointment, some heart breaking blow from a totally unexpected quarter. You are longing for your Master's voice bidding you, "Be of good cheer," but only silence and a sense of mystery and misery meet you - "He answered her not a word."

God's tender heart must often ache listening to all the sad, complaing cries which arise from our weak, impatient hearts, because we do not see that for our own sakes He answers not at all or otherwise than seems best to our tearblinded, shortsighted eyes.

The silences of Jesus are as eloquent as His speech and may be a sign, not of His disapproval, but of His approval and of a deep purpose of blessing for you.

"Why art thou cast down, O soul?" Thou shalt yet praise Him, yes, even for His silence.

Listen to an old and beautiful story of how one Christian dreamed that she saw three others at prayer. As they knelt, the Master drew near them. As He approached the first of the three, He bent over her in tenderness and grace, with smiles full of radant love and spoke to her in accents of pursest, sweetest music. Leaving her, He came to the next, but only placed His hand upon her bowed head, and gave her one look of loving approval. The third woman He passed by almost abruptly without even stopping for a word or glance.

The women in her dream said to herself, "How greatly He must love the first one, to the second He gave His approval, and the third must have grieved him deeply, for He gave her no word at all. I wonder what she has done, and why he made such a difference in how He treated each of them."

As she tried to account for the action of her Lord, He himself stood by her and said: "O woman! How wrongly thou hast interpreted Me."

The first kneeling woman I spoke to, needs all the weight of My tenderness and care to keep her feet in My narrow way. She needs My love, thought, and help every moment of the day. Without it she would fail and fall.

The second has stronger faith and deeper love, and I can trust her to trust Me however things may go and whatever people do.

The third, whom I seemed not to notice and even to neglect, has faith and love of the finest quality, and her I am training by quick and drastic processes for the highest and holiest service. She knows me so intimately and trusts Me so utterly, that she is independent of words or looks or any outward intimation of My approval. She is not dismayed nor discouraged by any circumstances through which I arrange that she shall pass; she trusts Me when sense and reason and every finer instinct of the natural heart would rebel - because she knows that I am working in her for eternity, and that what I do, though she knows not the explanation now, she will understand hereafter.

I am silent in my love, because I love beyond the power of words to express, or of human hearts to understand, and also for your sakes that you may learn to love and trust Me in Spirit-taught, spontaneous response to My love, without the spur of anything outward to call it forth."

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Oh what a profound lesson for us today! Can God trust us, to continue to love Him and believe Him...even when our finer intincts and senses want to rebel?? One day all will have to pass this huge monumental test, as the Great Controversary comes to a close! We are told that only those who are rooted and grounded in the Word of God will pass through this last great conflict, for everything about them will be pointing them to disbelieve God and to go another way. It's hard to comprehend that it could be that bad...but it will.

"To all the testing time will come. Are the people of God now so firmly established upon His word that they would not yield to the evidence of their senses? Would they, in such a crisis cling to the Bible and the Bible only?

Satan will, if possible, prevent them from obtaining a preparation to stand in that day. He will so arrange affairs as to hedge up their way, entangle them with earthly treasures, cause them to carry a heavy, wearisome burden, that their hearts may be overcharged with the cares of this life and the day of trial may come upon them as a thief...

When the testing time shall come, those who have made God's word their rule of life will be revealed. In summer there is no noticeable difference between evergreens and other trees; but when the blasts of winter come, the evergreen remains unchanged, while other trees are stripped of their foliage. So the falsehearted professor may not now be distinguished from the real Christian, but the time is just upon us when the difference will be apparent. Let the opposition arise, let bigotry and intolerance again bear sway, let persecution be kindled, and the halfhearted and hypocritical will waver and yield the faith; but the true Christian will stand firm as a rock, his faith stronger, his hope brighter, than in days of prosperity." Great Controversy pg 625 & 602

So, as I read over the allegory of the three women yet again, as well as the warnings to prepare from the Bible and Great Controversy, I'm reminded, while I don't like the pain of carrying "my cross," I'm glad that He's giving me a head start in my training for the final test to come.

"Whoever will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross, and follow me." Mark 8:34