Nursing can be very depressing sometimes though...you see the sickest of society, in times and conditions that are less than flattering, and in circumstances that are often very grim. Pain, discouragement, despair, and hopelessness are all around you...and so is frustration, anger, complaining, and sometimes downright rudeness from those who haven't learned how to cope with their lot in life. As one quote goes, "If your day is going wrong, just pass it along to someone else!" And so, although trying to mend the wounds, soothe the fears, and bring some hope to my patients and their days, I still often get mistreated and lashed out at.
But then again, should I complain....I am certainly not the first to walk this path!
"But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed." Isa 53:5
"Don't let yourself care too much! You have to be tough so things don't effect you." I was once cautioned by an older wiser nurse. "After all, death and pain are all around you....constantly!! You can't cry every time a patient dies (I usually do), you can't stop and wonder what it must feel like to have just received such dreadful news (I wonder), you can't dry every tear they shed (I still try)....you just can't let yourself care!"
Yet...with all that admonition, it hasn't changed me much....because I can't help it...I still care!!
Oh, I've learned how to have more professional composure, I've learned how to pick up and go on, I've learned how to know when to share and when to be silent...but I still care! I just can't help it! I pray that somehow, while they may be losing their opportunities for health in this life, that they'll somehow find hope for the next life to come!
Some of my patients I'm able to share Christ with in words, but most aren't ready...so I just share about Him in my actions, for they say, "Actions speak louder than words!" Yet I still pray for and care for each one!
There's a couple patients that have impacted my life in a more dramatic way these last few weeks.
Let's start with Kyle* - a bronzed 17 year old, athletic, good looking and obviously very talented young man with his whole life ahead of him. However, he didn't have a whole lot of respect for his parents or for the important things of life. He was just having fun!! Then one day this past weekend, while in the fast lane speeding with friends, their vehicle rolled. Now he's a paraplegic, for life!! And with the desperateness of a hurting child he clings to his parents for support. He wouldn't even allow me to give him his meds.... "Mom - will you give me my pills?" His brother gives him hugs, and when his dad leaves he hollers, "I love you!" as if it may be his last.
How many young people today are going to have to roll their cars in the fast lane of life, before they wake up to the reality of the value of life...the value of their family, the value of health and arms and legs that move?? It's sooo sad....but I am afraid, it will be many more.
Then there's Miss Becky*, a sweet 49 year old abdominoplasty and breast augmentation patient. Desperate to be more beautiful and reverse the signs of age, she's paid thousands to have a professional "tummy tuck" and "breast enlargement" and liposuction job. Yet it is obvious that she does not know God and her life will continue to be empty and shallow...even if in a more beautiful form.
When will she discover that true beauty is not made up of a sleek trim frame, or alluring curves, but rather it comes from having a living relationship with Jesus Christ....in the heart...a meek and quiet spirit, a humble servants heart, an attitude of love and gratefulness, a giving spirit?
Then there is Mrs. Lindsey* - a patient that has Congestive Heart Failure and is forced to wear oxygen everywhere she goes. She's in the hospital for Pacemaker repair, but hopes to be home soon. When we meet and she learns about my travels and that I don't even have my own place, but am staying with friends, she sweetly offers, "Well if you ever need a place to live when you are here, you can come live with me?!" I think she is joking, but the more she talks, I realize, this lady is serious. She doesn't know me from Adam...or should I say, Eve...yet she has bonded with me and is inviting me to come share her home!! What a giving spirit.
While no longer beautiful in outward form, there is a radiance and life in her eyes that even 72 years have not dimmed.
Then there's Mr. Morris* - an elderly man that was happily enjoying his retirement years when suddenly he had a stroke, and now he can only move one half of his body. He's sooo large he is difficult to turn, and he is getting bed sores. When I approach him and ask how he's doing, he whispers "Horrible." With some more prodding about where it is "horrible," he finally points to his head... "Up here it is horrible!" Ahhh...now I understand. I take his hand gently in mine. "It must be tough lying here feeling like there's nothing you can do, huh?" I softly begin. Tears come to his eyes as he nods. We talk some more. His body may be crippled, but there's obviously nothing wrong with this 80 year old man's mind. Finally I ask, "Do you know Jesus?" he shakes his head. I tell him about my story and how Jesus has changed my life. Then I softly ask, "Would you like to know Jesus? Would you like to make things right with him?" His whole body shakes uncontrollably! He cannot speak, he only cries...Finally he says, "Yes..." And I help him pray.
It may be close to the end for Mr. Morris...yet, it's still not too late to make things right! As long as there is life, it never is...
Then there's Mr. Henry* - Diagnosed with metastatic bone cancer, he barely gets around and lives in pain. His family has signed the DNR papers and stand beside him in support. We do all we can to keep him comfortable. But one evening, with an extra burst of energy he says he has to go to the bathroom. A bedpan will not do, he wants to walk there himself. Two people steady him as walks to the commode with his oxygen line in tow. Once there it is evident that he's not getting back to bed without major assistance. He is collapsing! Three of us literally drag him back to his bed and he dies in our arms along the way. For Mr. Henry there is no more chances. He will never see another day. While we knew his death was coming, it is so sudden and unexpected. All the nurses break down...even our CNA is crying.
And so our patients come, and so our patients go...some to their rest, some to rehab, and some to what they hope will be a improved life! But each one impacts me...and no matter the pain, I am determined to not grow hardened to it all!
If Jesus heart still breaks for our pain...and has for thousands of years now...why do we consider it such a sacrifice to carry "his cross" for just a few years...
"For we know that the whole creation groaneth and travaileth in pain together until now." Rom 8:22
And so... "Jesus [too] wept..." John 11:35
No, I will not just turn and walk away! I am determined, I will continue to reach out and CARE....
*Names and some circumstances changed to protect identities.
3 comments:
I am crying my whole way through this, Mel. it is so touching. I am so THANKFUL that you care. The world needs more nurses who care. These stories are so touching and worth pondering. How much time do we have on earth? We don't know. We must live every moment, as though it was our last and reach out and love and care. Thank you for the heartfelt reminder. It's sobering. And the first song that plays on here is tremendous to go along with the post. Whew.
Mel, dearest, it's Yelena - using my husband's account. I cried I was so touched - you know it made me very aware of how hardened I became in all this business world of Moscow! Thank you, dearest, for sharing. Love you - you are an inspiration!
Beautiful post, Mel. I praise God there are compassionate people like you in the nursing profession. I loved hearing how God is speaking to you through each patient and through you to them.
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