While the computer keyboard has been silent the last few weeks, my mind has been staying active...and I've been doing a lot of thinking.
I guess things just haven't been the same since I came back from Bangladesh....it wasn't long....my time over there, but I have to admit, it has really given me a fresh perspective on life and service...I just don't see things in the same light anymore. What exactly God is doing in my heart, I don't know...but whatever it is, I pray He will keep doing more.
Yesterday was THANKSGIVING!! It's a Holiday that holds many memories and sentiments for me. Many good, some sad! It was on this day 11 years ago that my Holland family and I lost our dear Debbie. She was only 25 and died from Colon cancer. At the time I didn't understand "why" God let her die...I still don't. But now...I've come to realize even when I don't understand "why" certain things happen, I can still trust God!!
Thanksgiving is also a very happy time...and is a time to reflect back on the years and how God has blessed. It's the favorite Holiday of my family in Arkansas, and it's a holiday that I have only missed celebrating with my Mason family three times in the last 15 years. (Once because I was overseas, and the other two times have been the last two years since I've been living out here in CA! I guess I'm growing up more and more, and at the same time, it's not so easy to go home when home is over 2,000 miles away!)
But what is "Thanksgiving" really all about anyway?? Is it just a time to spend with family stuffing our faces? Is it just a time to spend goofing off and enjoying friends?? I mean, I can't point any fingers...that's what I've been doing. And yesterday was just another one of those times!! Had a blast at my best friend Valerie's home, and enjoyed the time with our Loma Linda friends....had a great meal....didn't get too stuffed, but was sufficiently filled....took a walk, sang our lungs out around LLU campus, played word games, and watched an inspiring movie "The Sixth Inn of Happiness." It was a great day.... Yet behind the gaiety and fun, my heart was burdened...and there were questions in my mind...questions that have been plaguing my heart ever since I walked the poverty laden streets of Bangladesh. "Isn't Holidays like this and my life suppose to be about soooo much more?? How I can enjoy this bounty when there are sooo many starving around the world?? How can I sleep in peace when so many can't sleep at all??"
I am probably sounding very "melancholy" at the moment...and it's probably because I am! But God is doing something special in my heart...and I don't know what He has in store or where He is taking me! But I guess it doesn't matter....as long as He walks beside me!
"And the LORD, He it is that goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed." Deut 31:8