At the end of my rope...

Ever feel like you've come to the end of your rope and you can't take another step?? That was me this past weekend.

To be honest, the past 3 weeks have been very filled from early morning til late at night as I've been working on numerous ARME projects and then completing Nursing paperwork and competency testing for another Travel position. Then last week (before this past weekend), I'd spent orienting at the new hospital where I'll be working as a travel nurse for 8 weeks. On top of 12-14 hour days at work, I was coming home at night to work another 3-4 hours on upcoming ARME Bible Camp programs. Then when I was about to drop, I'd grab a few hours of sleep before I'd get up to spend time with God and then start my day over again.

By the time this past Friday came around, I was exhausted. In fact, I was BEYOND exhausted…my physical strength was gone and my emotional energy was zapped. (I felt like a Zombie!) However, I couldn't stop and rest. I had a full weekend ahead of me as I'd been asked to speak at Mtn View Church here in Arkansas. I would not only be speaking for the Divine service Sabbath, but I had a Friday night message to give, as well as messages all Sabbath afternoon. In my physical and emotional exhaustion, the task looked completely impossible. Although I'm usually bustling with enthusiastic energy when it's time to share, all my energy had vanished, and I found myself looking ahead at the upcoming weekend with great apprehension. "Oh Lord," I prayed… "I don't think I can do it! Why did I commit to speak THIS weekend? I should have put it off to another date!"

Exhausted, discouraged, and feeling like I was facing an impossible mountain, I collapsed Friday morning on my bedroom floor in prayer. "God, I'm at the end of my rope. I feel like I can't take another step. I have no idea how I'm gonna get through this weekend. I'm so tired I can barely think right now, and yet I am suppose to give four messages this weekend and lead united prayer TWICE!!! How can I do this? I feel like I have nothing to give."

I prayed, read my Bible through tears, and prayed some more. "God, if you want me to do this… you have to fill me…you have to give me supernatural strength and inspiration!" Despite my earnest prayers, no angel came to my side (at least that I saw) and no lightning shone across the sky from heaven. I felt no supernatural surge of strength and I began to wonder if I was about to finish my speaking career once and for all.

But sometimes, God is silent for a reason, to test us and to grow our faith. Finally, realizing that time was running out and I needed to get started on my day and final preparations, I told God, "I'm gonna walk forward by faith trusting you to fill me and give me what I need. I don't feel it now, but I will walk forward anyway."

At that very moment my friend Kim texted me… "Just walk forward by faith Mel, and God will give you strength." I'd asked her earlier to pray for me as I was struggling, but she had no idea the nature of the battle. Tears flooded my eyes as a deep peace filled my heart. It was like God was just confirming what I had just decided. The timing of that text couldn't have been more perfect or providential… At that moment, I knew for sure that God was going to walk with Him and give me the strength. And that this would not be the end.

What looks like the end for us may be the beginning for God...

And God proved Himself faithful! In fact, this past weekend at Mountain View Church was one of the most amazing experiences of my entire life. Once I got up to share, it's like this supernatural strength and enthusiasm flooded over me and I spoke with a power and clarity that I have never experienced so completely and fully before. It was amazing, and I knew without a shadow of a doubt that it was NOT me, but God working through me. The whole weekend was a complete miracle and God worked in a powerful way and hearts were changed. But the biggest heart that was changed was mine!!!

I've talked about the Holy Spirit's filling and I've prayed for it for years. I've felt touches of it here and there, and I've always known that God was walking with me. (I have many stories and testimonies to prove this!) However, I've never realized so clearly what God truly wants to do if we will only allow His Spirit to completely fill us and use us. Unfortunately, I had to come to the complete end of myself (the end of my rope) before I realized what I'd been missing, before I realized what He wanted to do. But it was beautiful, it was amazing, it was life-changing. And I will never be the same.

After this past weekend, I re-dedicated my heart, life, lips, voice, and service to Christ again and I told him… I don't EVER want to speak again unless I know that YOU have filled me and YOU are the one talking….not me!!

Truly His power is made perfect in my weakness...

 Zech 4:6 "Not by might, nor by power, but by my spirit, saith the LORD of hosts."