The song from those in exile...

With increasing frequency, disaster, tragedy and chaos seems to be occurring all around. It's not so difficult to cope with, when it's far away, in the heart of another country, or across the shoreline of another sea. But when it hits our shoreline, when it hits our hearts...there are lots of questions.

"God, why us? Why me??"

These past few weeks it's gotten a little closer home. My Nana died...a young family up near Kettle Falls WA just lost their 14 yr old daughter in a drowning accident when her canoe capsized in the icy floodwaters....another friend's home was blown away in the devastating Joplin tornadoes that occurred last week (see personal pictures here), thousands of homes are under water because of the mississippi river, not far from where my family lives (they just happen to live in the mountains on high ground), another friend - a young happily married pregnant mother, was just diagnosed with a serious brain tumor (she was just anointed last night)....another friend was just told that he has bone cancer and may not have long to live...my own grandmother has metastatic cancer and is struggling as the lumps and bumps are sprouting up all over her body....a young man that I'm related to has just had the third door closed in his face from one that he cared for and was hoping to court....and the stories go on. I too have been walking through my own "valley." To me at times, it's seemed very deep...yet as I look around, I realize it's not as deep as many others.

There are lots of questions, yet as I've been praying and talking to God about all this, I realize...this is not some strange thing we ALL are walking through. It's called life. And who are we to say, "Why me?" Instead we should be saying, "Why not me?" Why do I still have it so good when there are millions struggling without a bite to eat right now? Why do I still have a roof over my head when there are thousands that have just lost theirs? Why do I still have a job when there are many that have no job to be found. (My roommate is one of those...she's been looking for a job for months with no success!) Times are hard...and they are getting harder. Yes, Jesus does give peace, He does give strength. But despite the pain and hardship...I'm still so blessed.....I could be experiencing so much worse....just like many of my comrades and friends. "Why not me, God? Why not me??"

One thing we know...Jesus is coming soon....and He's allowing the trials to make us stronger to stand for what lies ahead. He's also allowing them, I believe, so that our song can be refined and tuned.

There are songs which can only be learned in the valley. No musician can teach them, no rules of voice can help make them perfectly sung. Their music is in the heart. They are songs of memory, or personal experience. This song from the valleys of our life is also a song of triumph and victory. It is because through our sorrow, we will come out the other side and realize that Christ has made us free - we are victorious in Him!

No angels can sing our song. To do this they must have passed through our exile. Only the children of the cross can sing this song.

So now, when trials comes, we must remember, we are receiving a music lesson from our heavenly Father. We are being educated for the choir invisible. There are parts in that heavenly symphony that none can take but me. In this dark night on earth, He is preparing our song. In the valley, He is tuning our voices. In the clouds of storm, He is deepening the chords. Through the rain, He is sweetening the melody. (And He is sweetening my Melody!)

“Beloved, think it not strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you: but rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ’s sufferings; that, when His glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy.”

1 Peter 4:12, 13.

"In the full light of day, and in hearing of the music of other voices, the caged bird will not sing the song that his master seeks to teach him. He learns a snatch of this, a trill of that, but never a separate and entire melody. But the master covers the cage, and places it where the bird will listen to the one song he is to sing. In the dark, he tries and tries again to sing that song until it is learned, and he breaks forth in perfect melody. Then the bird is brought forth, and ever after he can sing that song in the light. Thus God deals with His children. He has a song to teach us, and when we have learned it amid the shadows of affliction we can sing it ever afterward." Ministry of Healing, p. 472

I'm jus thankful, that although the notes may be strained, and sometimes off tune, He's preparing me for that Heavenly choir...and one day, I'll have a song...we all will have a song, that no one else can sing but us.

"And no man could learn that song, but the hundred and forty-four thousand, which were redeemed from the earth." Rev 14:3

*Some of these thoughts came from Streams in the Desert, May 29th

Will I love Jesus More??

Will we love Jesus more???

This song really touched my heart. And while the music style isn't my favorite, I had to play it for a bit on my blog as it so clearly reflects the cry of my heart right now...Will we love Jesus more...???

More than the ideals of those around us, more than the approval of a friend, more than the accolades we receive in service, more than the styles of clothes our closet contains, more than indulging on unhealthy treats, more then frivolous entertainment, more than worldly wisdom, more than the love of ones we hold dear, more than what our neighbors think, more than staying up on the latest news, more than what's the latest on Facebook, more than another hour of sleep, more than what temporal security brings? Will we love Jesus more? Will we love Him more then comforts and pleasures, more than our own reputation, more than keeping ahead of the rest, more then having or own way?? Is He truly the first, best, and last of everything in our hearts? Are our fondest thoughts of Him?? Or have we allowed “other loves” to take His place…?? I don’t know about you, but my prayer today is that I would love Jesus more…

“Your religious life must rise above the standard of public opinion if it abides the searching investigation of the Judge of all the earth. Should the shadow of death gather about you, you will never regret that you were a lover of God more than a lover of pleasure. You will never regret that you did not participate in worldly dissipation. Your only regret will be that you did not love Jesus more…” 19MR 191.1

As I reflect on this beautiful spring I’ve enjoyed traveling with the United Prayer team through Southern Africa and Bangladesh, it is easy to become self-centered and selfish. Why? Because I love adventure, I love travel, and I love seeing lives changed because "we prayed" - because I reached out. And of course, God uses each of us...and our being willing to step out of our comfort zone and take the journey with God is where it starts. We should take joy in seeing lives changed! But what is the purpose? Is my investment in service to bring others eyes to myself or to Him? What motivates my love?

As I reflect on the fulfillment that I enjoy in ministry, and as I reflect on the enjoyment I've felt with friends, I am reminded again, it is all in vain if it hasn't helped each of us "love Jesus more." He is coming soon. We can't allow our eyes to focus on ourselves, on our own dreams, on our own pleasures. Our secret delights, our idols, our selfish desires to be acknowledged and applauded must be dealt a violent blow. All these things must be put away. We must love Him more...and the motive of our life always be that others love Him more. And so my challenging question today for each of us...will we love Him MORE????

WILL YOU LOVE JESUS MORE?

I feel quite sure if I did my best

I could maybe impress you

With tender words and a harmony

A clever rhyme or (prayer) or two

But if all I've done

in the time we've shared

Is turn your eyes on me

Then I've failed

at what I've been called to do

There's someone else

I want you to see

[CHORUS]

Will you love Jesus more

When we go our different ways

When this moment is a memory

Will you remember His face

Will you look back and realize

You sensed His love

more than you did before

I'd pray for nothing less

Then for you to love Jesus more

I'd like to keep these memories

In frames of gold and silver

And reminisce a year from now

About the smiles we've shared

But above all else

I hope you will come

To know the Father's love

When you see the Lord face to face

You'll hear Him say "well done"

[CHORUS]

Will you love Jesus more

When we go our different ways

When this moment is a memory

Will you remember His face

Will you look back and realize

You sensed His love

more than you did before

I'd pray for nothing less

Then for you to love Jesus more

I'd pray for nothing less then for you to love Jesus more!!!!

*Music to this song by Philips, Craig and Dean

**Pictures taken from highlights of our United Prayer travels in Southern Africa and in Bangladesh.

Trusting God...even when He's Still!

It's easy to trust God when life is wonderful...when the air is scented with the perfume of the flowers all around, when the sun is shining, when there is money in the bank, and when everything seems to be going our way. But how can we truly say that we trust God if our trust has not been tested...tested by blindness, tested by questions, tested by uncertainty? When all around turns dark, when we no longer see the flowers but only feel the thorns, when the waves and winds begin to howl? Will we still trust God then?

God's taken me over this road a few times in my life...and He's taking me there once again. Yet, my faith has never been stronger. I cannot see, but I know He leads the way...and I know all things will work together and make sense some day. And I will trust Him...even when He is still.

I just heard a powerful sermon the other day by one of my favorite speakers, Eric Ludy. If you know Eric, you know he speaks boldly and passionately for the Lord. This particular sermon was called "Gritted Teeth." If you haven't heard it, you need to hear it. Powerful encouragement from the Bible to "hold on" and grow even when we don't see God working in our lives. Let me share just a few highlights that really stood out to me from this powerful message.

There are Four Tests that God often brings us through to test our Faith...

1. The Syrophonecian Test: When God appears silent.

Based on Matt 15:22-28 a Syrophonecian woman (it's important because she wasn't a Jew or of the same faith of Jesus and the disciples) came to Jesus begging Him to heal her daughter. His initial response was SILENCE. "He answered her not a word..."

So, as Eric pointed out in his message, "What do we do when God answers us not a word? Do we look somewhere else? Do we give up and go away?? Or do we hold on, realizing that there is NO OTHER WAY...Jesus is the ONLY way?" This woman pressed on, and despite Jesus telling her that He hadn't come to save her, but the lost house of Israel, she pressed on. She would not give up. Was it because Jesus really didn't want to answer her prayer, was it to teach us a lesson that He wants to make things difficult for us? No! Jesus wanted to prove her faith...and she came through, even despite His silence. Her faith was honored. Why don't we persevere...why do we walk away so easily? Why don't we hold on?

The second test.

2. The Lazarus Test: When God appears to have forgotten.

This story occurs in John 11:1-44. Here we see the story of Lazarus. Jesus was notified that Lazarus was sick, and He loved Lazarus. They were friends. He told Martha and Mary not to worry because this sickness would not end in death. But Jesus tarried where he was. He did not go to Lazarus right away and so Lazarus died. You can just imagine the grief and pain in those sister's heart. "Did Jesus forget his promise? Why didn't He come?" When He did come, they wept again. "Jesus, he wouldn't have died if you'd been here....did you forget?" But Jesus hadn't forgotten. He was wanting to test their faith....and so He also tests ours as well. Sometimes He allows our plans, our dreams, our loved ones to die, so that He may prove us and build us....and also so that He can give us something better. Imagine the joy and testimony that this family had when Jesus brought Lazarus back to life. The same can be true for us. But will we still keep trusting...even when He is silent, even when He appears to have forgotten?? Even when we've had to spend days, weeks, months waiting...in the tomb?

3. The Walking on Water test: When the powers of the natural realm seem too powerful.

Here we see the famous story of Peter walking on water in Matt 14:28-30. Initially he moved forward in faith, and his faith in Jesus held him. But then he took his eyes off Jesus and he looked at the storms around, at the wind and the waves, and he began to question how this was possible. How often have we done the same? Jesus has taken us down a road of faith. We've seen Him work in the past, we've seen Him work even now. But our eyes are distracted by the storms around. The natural realm seems too powerful to be overcome? Will we trust Him even then? Or will we sink into discouragement and despair. It's too impossible, too difficult, God can't possibly get me out of this now? I've messed up too much, I've gone too far, it's hopeless now. Oh that we would keep our eyes on Jesus, to the only one that has power to still the waves and the sea. Oh that we would trust Him, even in the midst of the storms... He is still there, and He's more powerful....FAR MORE POWERFUL than any storm we may encounter.

4. The Final test is the Cross Test: When God seems to have failed

This is probably the hardest test of all. How do we explain to the world around us a faith in someone that seems to have failed? How do we continue to trust someone that seems to have not come through? Imagine the grief of the disciples at the cross when Jesus allowed Himself to be tortured, condemned and crucified. "You are the Messiah? Aren't' you....... aren't you?" You can almost hear them whisper through questioning tears. "How could you let them do this to you?"

I can imagine a lot of people will be asking themselves this question after this May 21st, 2011 is past...when Harold Camping's predictions of the "End of the World" did not come true. (The picture below I took on my way back from the Oregon coast this week. While it's shocking to even think about, for those who have grown up rooted and grounded in the Word of God, for God plainly tells us of His return in Matt 24:36, "No man knows the day or the hour." At the same time, my heart hurts for those that will not only be disappointed by this false-alarm, but for the many that will walk away from Christ because of this event not coming true. Thank goodness, there is still hope, but it's not in a man or a prediction maker! It's in the Word of God: www.aftermay21.com)

"Did God fail us? Why didn't He come through?" While it is May 21st at the time of this writing, and 6pm has just passed, I did not write this blog post because of this "failed rapture." It's incidental that it's happening just as I write out my thoughts here. I wrote this post because this "Trust Issue" is something God has been challenging me with, and I am sure it's also true for many of you.

The question remains...

"Will we trust God even when He appears silent, when He appears to have forgotten, when it seems impossible that He could work now, and when it appears that He has failed?? Will we still trust Him??????"

I don't understand God's ways... His thoughts are higher, His ways we cannot even begin to comprehend. (Isa 55:8-9) But I'm determined, with "gritted teeth"....I will trust Him! :-)

Be inspired as you read the last blog entry of the late David Wilkerson - where the story "The Cross and the Switch Blade" originated. It's profound and it's powerful. It was written on April 27th, and that's the day that he died.

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WHEN ALL MEANS FAIL

by David Wilkerson | April 27, 2011

To believe when all means fail is exceedingly pleasing to God and is most acceptable. Jesus said to Thomas, “You have believed because you have seen, but blessed are those that do believe and have not seen” (John 20:29).

Blessed are those who believe when there is no evidence of an answer to prayer—who trust beyond hope when all means have failed.

Someone has come to the place of hopelessness—the end of hope—the end of all means. A loved one is facing death and doctors give no hope. Death seems inevitable. Hope is gone. The miracle prayed for is not happening.

That is when Satan’s hordes come to attack your mind with fear, anger, overwhelming questions: “Where is your God now? You prayed until you had no tears left. You fasted. You stood on promises. You trusted.”

Blasphemous thoughts will be injected into your mind: “Prayer failed. Faith failed. Don’t quit on God—just do not trust him anymore. It doesn’t pay!”

Even questioning God’s existence will be injected into your mind. These have been the devices of Satan for centuries. Some of the godliest men and women who ever lived were under such demonic attacks.

To those going through the valley and shadow of death, hear this word: Weeping will last through some dark, awful nights—and in that darkness you will soon hear the Father whisper, “I am with you. I cannot tell you why right now, but one day it will all make sense. You will see it was all part of my plan. It was no accident. It was no failure on your part. Hold fast. Let me embrace you in your hour of pain.”

Beloved, God has never failed to act but in goodness and love. When all means fail—His love prevails. Hold fast to your faith. Stand fast in his Word. There is no other hope in this world.

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Yes, there is no other Way....there is NO OTHER HOPE in this World....our only Hope is God.

And we will trust Him...I will trust Him, even when He is silent, even when it feels that He has forgotten, even when the natural realm makes His deliverance seem impossible, and even when it feels like He has failed, I will trust Him. I hope you can say the same.

"That the trial of your faith, being much more precious than of gold that perished, though it be tried with fire, might be found unto praise and honor and glory at the appearing of Jesus Christ." I Pet 1:7

"Knowing this that the trying of your faith worketh patience, but let patience have her perfect work." James 1:3

"Let us hold fast the profession of our faith without wavering, for He is faithful that promised." Heb 10:23

"God is not a man that He can lie, neither the some of man that he should repent. Hath he said and shall he not do it. Hath he spoken and shall he not make it good." Num 23:19

"For the eyes of the Lord roam to and fro throughout the whole earth to shew himself strong in behalf of them whose heart is perfect toward him." II Chron 16:9

To hear the full sermon that inspired these thoughts - please click on the following link! "Gritted Teeth - We hold on"

The "Fog Dilemma"....

Ever feel like you've run into a fog bank and you don't know which way to turn?? The path is obscured from site...you don't know what lies ahead or which way to go. You want to follow God's best path, but even that doesn't seem to be very clear. What are you to do when all you see is "fog"??

I had an interesting encounter with "fog" this past week on my trip out to Nana's memorial in Atlanta. I flew all night from Portland to Charlotte. However, when we got to Charlotte about 5:30 in the morning, the airport and the city was covered in fog....not just fog a few feet high in the air. The place was engulfed in it, all the way to the ground. The pilots aborted our first attempt to land because there was absolutely NO VISIBILITY on the runway. It was kinda a eerie feeling as the plane (which had been on the descent and slowing down) suddenly was accelerated at full throttle up into the sky again. Then the pilots came over the sound system. "We were unable to land due to poor visibility, but will be circling around and trying again with another "method." Hmmm....that sounded really.....ummmmmm....comforting. What "other method" where they planning to use??

Well, we circled around and then slowly headed down again. Looking out the windows I could only see fog below....no land. Down....down....down we went. I closed my eyes and prayed. (I really don't like this feeling....not be able to see where we are or where are are going!) I looked again....now WE were engulfed in the fog...and I still could see nothing. A few seconds later our wheels hit the runway....and then....only then....I saw the ground. Whew!!! You could almost hear the entire plane let out a collective sigh of relief. What an incredible blind land.

However, the fog was sooo thick, we didn't get very far. We barely made our exit ramp off the runway....and pulled off to safety and out of the way of other planes....but it was sooo thick we couldn't go anywhere and we had to wait until someone from the airport could come and find us and tow us into the gate. It was incredible....we couldn't see a thing! (See the picture below, and the nearby lights of the airport terminal! Visibility was less than 50 feet!)

Later as I was getting off the plane, I complimented the pilot on our successful land despite the fog. "Oh, it wasn't me!" he responded. "It was an Auto-land - the plane did it all!" I was already out the door....but his words stayed with me.... "An Auto-land? You mean, our plane not only has an auto-pilot, but an auto-land? Wow! That's why they could do a blind land with no visibility...."

As I've been reflecting on it all, I realized how what happened on this flight parallels my own life at times. It seems that off and on through the years I find myself in a "fog bank" of sorts, not sure where I am going or what God wants me to do next. And the question will come to my mind, "What direction should I be walking...?? Am I still on the right path? Do I turn here or go straight? This is really tough because I can't see anything!!"

But as I was reminded by the pilot the other day, this is exactly when we need to trust God most. He is our "auto-pilot"....and He can guide our life even when we cannot see...

"He that walketh in darkness and hath no light, let him trust in the name of Jehovah and rely upon His God." Isaiah 50:10

Let me share some thoughts I wrote about this very "fog dilemma" about 3 years ago....

"What shall the believer do in times of darkness - the darkness of perplexity and confusion? Times of darkness do come to the faithful and believing disciples who are walking obediently in the will of God; seasons when He does not know what to do, nor which way to turn. The sky is overcast with clouds. The clear light of heaven does not shine upon his pathway. One feels as if he were grouping his way in the darkness. The first thing to do is nothing....When you run into a spiritual fog bank, don’t tear recklessly ahead, slow down the machinery in your life.....and simply trust God. While we trust, God can work. Worry prevents Him from doing anything for us. We must quietly trust and wait. He knows the way out of the woods..." From Streams in the Desert Oct 7th

Yes, thankfully, although we cannot see the big picture, God can, and He knows the way through the wilderness...and through the fog!! What peace and joy that brings! While I may not always see what I'd like to see, I know Who is before me...and thus, I will not be moved, but will trust and wait on Him!! As another favorite verse goes, "I have set the Lord always before me, because He is at my right hand, I shall not be moved." Ps 16:8 Another interesting insight, along the topic of "Life's journey," came to me as I was reading Psalms 23 recently. Maybe I'm just slow...or maybe I've been running too fast all these years that I haven't ever really thought to stop and think about it. But as Psalms 23 indicates, there are many different sequences of life that God walks with us through.

• Sometimes He makes us to lie down in green pastures...but we're not sure if we like this certain shade of green! (Didn't He make it a better green on "so&so's" journey?)
• Sometimes He leads us beside the still waters..."It's a little too quiet around here" we may wonder! "Did we miss the boat or shouldn't there be more activity and direction around here??"
• He ever seeks to lead us in the paths of righteousness - We want righteousness, but yet...do we really? What a sting to our soul as these paths aren't always popular or condoned by our friends and sometimes even our own family. :-(
• He even leads us through the valley of the shadow of death (maybe the death of a loved one, maybe the death of a vision or dream...) yet even there, we are to fear no evil for He ever walks beside us! Wow! That's pretty heavy God...are you sure you can trust me to stay beside you even through this??
• Sometimes He prepares a table for us in the presence of our enemies - Now, wouldn't this be the time to be proud and boast? But that's not the kind of "table of blessings" we are receiving here! While our enemies (or those that disdain the things of Heaven) scurry and worry about in distraction and dissension, we are blessed with true peace and joy, not based on outward externals. What a priceless gift! Yet, how easy it is, to throw even this gift away!
• Sometimes we are blessed with the anointing of His holy oil - and our cup does run over! (And I believe this is the ultimate gift of the journey!) Yet how often are we too distracted, from having just walked through the valley of the shadow of death, to truly receive that anointing. So sometimes we just complain that our cup is empty...and don't realize why!
• Yet despite it all - He promises that goodness and mercy will follow us all the days of our life... "For God is not willing that any should perish but that all should come to repentance..." II Pet 3:9 "Not by works of righteousness which we have done, but according to His mercy, He saved us..." Titus 3:5
• He promises (for those that have successfully completed this walk through the path of life's joys and sorrows...beside the green pastures and through the dark and perplexing valleys) that we will dwell in His house forever. It's not because of anything we have done, but because we TRUSTED HIM...and we kept walking...wherever He lead!!

Yes, as God continues to teach me day by day, life doesn't always make sense. It doesn't always come with a pretty clean easy to read map..."Do this, do that, go here, go there, take this path or that"...and often along the journey, there are times of question and sometimes even uncertainty. Yet, that doesn't mean that God has abandoned us...nor does it mean that we've been doing something wrong! He leads us both through the calm and through the storm, both beside the quiet waters and along the raging sea...both where the road is straight (And we can see ahead) and where the road is crooked (and we know not what will come next). Yet, He leads us!!

While I don't always understand where He's taking me, or which way to turn...my heart overflows with gratitude and praise for His faithfulness along the journey!! No, I can't always see where I'm going...and that's a bit hard sometimes for "Miss Melody" to take...yet, there is one thing I am sure of and one thing I've found to be faithful and true for many years now...

"THE LORD IS MY SHEPHERD...and I SHALL NOT WANT." Ps 23:1

Jesus loves the little children, and I do TOO!!!!

Loving on all the little Eller kiddos reminds me of years in the past, when I was helping look after MY three little brothers. I was just an early teen, but what fun I had playing "mom." Later I worked in Oklahoma Academy's Daycare, sometimes taking care of upwards of 10-12 kiddos at a time. What fun we had! Now I have fun playing "Auntie" to all my friends kids. And I love it.... :-) As soon as they misbehave, I can give them back! (Above I am pictured pushing Fawna's kids, Sierra and Andy. I'm holding Zoe, Beaver and Becca's daughter, in my arms above and in the pictures below.)

"Suffer the little children to come unto me, and forbid them not: for of such is the kingdom of God." Mark 10:14

(Nana is pictured above with Zoe before she died. You can tell she was great with all the kiddos! How we will miss her...)

A tribute to our "Nana"...

A little history: This past week has been one of the most difficult of my entire life. Why? Because my dear Nana has gone to her rest. (She is pictured above when she and Yvonne came to visit me on my layover as I headed to South Africa last Nov.) She wasn't mine by blood....but has been mine by heart for many many years. Of course, the Ellers and my family go a looooong ways back! Yvonne (Nana's daughter) and my mom happened to be good friends as children, and then Jerry and my dad happened to be good friends as teens, and they all were friends when they got married (pictured below).... long before any of us kids were thought of.

Then one by one, us kids started coming along...like pieces fitting together in a family puzzle. First Bucklee, then two years later me, then 6 months later Beaver, then 3 years later Fawna, then years (emphasis on years) later, my brothers and Phoebe and Shama. Although not officially family, we've been a part of each other's family reunions for years. So Eller's have been part of my life in a very VERY big way! (Here we are below at a family get-together when I was 11.)

So it's only natural that "Nana" became mine as well. Dear sweet Nana...full of love, full of laughter, and full of priceless wisdom and advice. No one could ever replace our dear sweet Nana.

However, this past Wednesday, May 4th, our dear Nana went to sleep in Jesus! She was active and well one day and then got a urinary tract infection and before we knew it was taken to the hospital with what we figured would be a short stay. However, her infection had gone "septic." In other words, the infection had spread throughout her blood stream and body. She faded quickly. Her last coherent actions were Monday evening.... by Wednesday morning she was gone. (In fact, she died while I was on phone with my ARME teammates having a prayer call.) And that's the way she wanted things to be... she wanted to go quickly so that no one would be burdened looking after her. When Nana prayed, God always answered her prayers. So we believe, one last time, God answered her prayers....

Below is what I wrote in honor of my Nana. (The picture below was taken 2 weeks before Nana died.)

My Dearest Nana,

How can I put into words what you’ve meant to me? You have always known I loved you…but I don’t think you ever realized how much. The years have gone by and you have always been there…in fact, I’m not sure where we even began. All I know is that as years have gone on…I’ve come to appreciate and value your presence in my life even more.

It’s funny, but I never really realized you were getting older….you always seemed the same…ever young and vivacious in heart and spirit, ready for an adventure or a good girl heart to heart, a shared ice-cream cone, a late night prayer. I just assumed you’d always be here. I didn’t think you’d get old and leave us… (Yes, when I tell my friends you were 91 when you left us, they just sigh and say, “Wow – she was old, I guess it was time!” But I’m like, “No she wasn’t old! You don’t know our Nana! She may have slowed down a little, but she was young as ever!”)

I remember your encouragement in my young adolescent and teen years… “Melody – I’m praying for you…. I know God has a special plan for your life!” (You said that over and over again through the years, and when you did….I had faith that it was true….even when at times I got discouraged and couldn’t see the way….I saw God answer your prayers time and time again. What a comfort that was to know that "YOU" were praying for me. And when at times I was struggling, I never forgot that you were praying for me….and that you knew “God had a plan!” Since you believed it, I knew it had to be true….and it has given me strength to go on….)

When we’d meet, when you and Ellers came to visit us kids at Oklahoma Academy, or when I’d come and spend some of my summer out with you all in Montana, you were always there….eager and ready to hear the latest of what was happening in my life. It didn’t matter how many dozens of other people were around, you always made me feel like I was (at the moment) the most important person in the world. You didn’t just want the superficial chit-chat either….you wanted the details…every juicy detail. You cared….you loved….and you always made me feel like one of your own. In fact, I knew I was….I never doubted it.

As the years have gone on, I’ve realized that’s just the way you are… you love and you treat everyone like they are your own…. Because they are. You adopted us all. Every academy friend, college friend, or missionary friend…if they entered your presence – they were LOVED and they were yours!

Nana, you don’t know how this generous love has impacted me through the years… how your unselfish care has touched my life, how your prayers have gone deep into my heart. There’s so much to say, I don’t even know where to begin… I’m overwhelmed at the thought of losing you. And I know I am not alone. You have taken such a big spot in all of our hearts that it leaves a huge void for you to go away. Something is not complete anymore… and with you goes a part of all of us. With you goes a big part of me…

Like I said….there is not words enough to describe how much you have meant to me, and how much you will be missed.

As the years have gone on…our times together have been more distant and spread apart, yet whenever we were together…it was always the same. You dear Nana, wanted to get right to the heart of things… and we’d pick up right where we left off.

I’ll never forget the special time we had together this past November as I was on my way to Africa. Then just three weeks ago, when you came with Yvonne to ARME Bible Camp…how much it meant for me to have you there. It didn’t matter that there were many others there….it mattered to me that YOU were there. I often looked back through the audience to see what you were thinking, if you were enjoying the talks, the singing or the sharing. And as I did, I was thinking in my heart, “If it weren’t for Nana…and if it weren’t for Ellers….I probably wouldn’t even be here myself!” I only regret that I did not stop running about more, I only regret that I didn’t sit and talk more…. I only regret that I didn’t tell you these things then more. Of course, how could I know that it would be the last time we all would be together?? (Nana, Yvonne and Phoebe are pictured below while at ARME Bible Camp in Cohutta GA - April 10th, 2011.)

Yet, really, I do not have regrets. Your life has been full….and you have helped to make mine full as well. And while no one could ever replace your spot in my heart, even through this heartbreak and loss, I am strengthened to look forward with HOPE for the time we will be reunited again….

So Nana – this isn’t really goodbye – it’s just…. "I love you until I see you again!" And thankfully, by the grace of God (1st Thes 4:13-18), we know there will be a "Next time!"

[The picture above was taken with Ellers at the memorial for Nana that we had on the 7th of May. (One week before we were all laughing and having fun at Oklahoma Academy's 30th!) I wasn't sure if I could make it out for this service, but at the last minute things worked out and I flew all night from Portland OR to Atlanta GA to be there for this service, and I am sooooo glad I did. It was amazing because as I observed at the memorial, a large majority of those in attendance were youth and young adults. And many shared. It's obvious that Nana was a "grandmother" to all! Hearing how she touched sooooo many lives was such an inspiration, and it has challenged me, what I should strive to be as a woman of God. Truly, she has left a "legacy" for all of us...a legacy that we with God's strength must seek to carry on! For those f you that will never know our Nana...you are missing out...but thankfully, we can introduce you in Heaven.]

*To see Shama's tribute visit her blog by clicking HERE.